Jonathan was the kindest person, the best person I have ever known. During the last year I have dwelled on many mermories of him, some of which begin to describe this part of his nature.
The memory that jumps out at me first is also the most remarkable. He had just relapsed after an allogenic bone marrow transplant. During the past 16 months he had been subjected to constant torturous treatment that would be unimaginable to most of us. When he was told by his transplant doctor that he had relapsed, she told him that nothing could be done and he would die. Then we saw a physician in Minnesota, who gave him some hope, but who explained how at three critical junctures of his treatment he had been deceived by his oncologist. Jonathan was told that his treatment had not given him the good chances of cure that were available. After these thoughts had been confirmed by a prominent physician at Sloan-Kettering, Jonathan's reaction was remarkably restrained and forgiving. He merely said "So Dad, it seems that (my oncologist) let us down." Because he was such an honest, kind and compassionate person, Jonathan was unable to believe the worst of his physician. He was only able to feel disappointment.
At one time during his treatment it seemed as if none of the physicians at Sloan were really trying very hard to help him, and we all knew that he needed a determined effort for him to be cured. Feeling that his physicians were most likely over worked and too busy to concentrate on his case, Jonathan asked me to offer one of them some money to try harder. I didn't really know how to go about doing this, nor did I think I had enough money to influence them. I will never forgive myself for not trying, but Jonathan never held it against me. He never was able to be vindictive.
After Jonathan was first diagnosed with Leukemia, I approached many of my extended family members for help. Some of them responded and as a result, our feelings toward each other became stronger. "Maybe something good will come from all this (his illness)," he obseverd. "At least it's helping you to get closer to your family." It was typical for him, looking for the good and not dwelling on the bad in any situation.
Jonathan never went throught the typical teenager-young adult rebellious, resentful stage. He was never bitter or rude toward his parents. When he felt that I had acted wrong toward him, his brother, or anyone else, he would tell me in a way that both conveyed his criticism and conveyed his love. Usually he would begin with something like "Dad, you know you really should ..."
Jonathan was the best friend that anyone could have. He was intensely loyal to his family and to his friends. I remember one particular moment when he was discussing his band, "The Physicals." He explained to Josh why he was including a less qualified musician, saying "After all, he's a really good friend, and that means a lot too."
He was extraordinarily good company because he was always willing to focus on the interests and problems of others. Even when he was in the early twenties and late teens, which are usually introspective years, Jonathan was always willing to learn and discuss with genuine enthusiasm the concerns of his companions.
Our home became a happy home as soon as Jonathan walked in. It was not only because he was always happy, lively, and enthusiatic. It was also because his goodness was contagious. It seemed to be difficult for anyone to be negative, critical or mean when he was present. Every one who knew him loved him, and was loved by him. And through some wondeful process this aura of love spread to all those around him.
During all the time I spent with him since he was a baby, I never saw him try to be cruel or to intentionally hurt any one's feelings. He's the only such person I've ever known. And if he ever feared that he had unintentionally hurt some one, he was very concerned and tried to right his lapse. Although Jonathan was a very unique person in many respects, his quality of goodness, I think, is what most distinguished him as a truly unique and exceptional individual.